Shes changed. A lot actually. She’s dropped in and out of too many waves. Too many perfectly segmented tests. Shes given in and given up – a lot. Shes been young and old both at the same time. Shes acted her age and then ten times her age and then forty and up to a level where counting gets confusing. Shes tried it all. Shes been in there, been out of it, been inside then out, been swinging in the middle and more. Shes gone through it all. shes touched it through yet longed for it. Shes reached the level and yes fallen back to the starting point.
Yet she hasn’t learned.
There’s been longing and waiting and dreaming and missing and yearning and collapsing and standing up again. Pretty much everything. But that’s neither anything new nor something to be proudly stated. It is what it is. Life’s perfect ways of steeling us up – manning us up. Its no dauntless bravery. Its about how much and what she’s learned. How much and where she can use all of that. Its about whether there’s something left – any energies at all – that can survive more blows and put all these lessons to use. Is there anything left? Its about what she does next. Its not about how her past is defined but how she chooses her present and future get defined ten years from now or may be more. She’s seen the trick. Shes been the magician. Shes been the man!
Yet there’s more?
There’s more. Jee! More instances, more events, more accidents, more incidents, more tests, more lessons, more steps, more deception more inception. There’s more! How very insanely encouraging for somebody who’s miraculously survived her 23 years into this mess given such a cute word for a name – life. She gotta put it all to use. After all that’s the apparent purpose of life. or is it not?
She believes there’s a lining – nope not a silver one. shes hasn’t thought about the color yet actually. She just believes there is one. Or does she even have an option to think otherwise? Isn’t this deception necessary? Necessary to calm her senses down and to mask them up for another 30-50 years of life that await her. Shes gotta do this – all over again for so many more years so many more tests. But can the Self be deceived? Shes knows her heart is listening to all this and knows that there’s no lining anywhere. There’s no shit like knights and armours and Christain Greys. There’s no fairy tale. There’s no bollywood drama either. In short, there’s nothing positive that the world makes us imagine/believe as we grow up. there’s only tests and loops and wars.
Abrupt, insane and chaotic.
She knows it all. She stands today where she always wanted to be. Yes grateful and content. But there’s something that she hadn’t imagined. The achievement wasn’t this plain and unceremonious when she imagined it in her head for years. This moment was large. It was like reaching the goalpost. Like asking yourself for that one last stride on the racing track before touching the mark of victory. The difference between seeing your dreams come true for real and imagining them sets them both apart and does it very flawlessly. Its all evident. Perfectly marked with a neon sign. The reality brutally shows how reaching the goal is not always the achievement. It shows the other side of the picture. The picture where no colors shapes and sizes depict meaning – interpretation does. And it keeps changing – person to person, mind to mind, heart to heart. The Achievement is something solely relying on the bigger picture. How we imagine our dreams is somewhat our way of looking at one aspect out of the innumerable. How we choose to see one part of the entire jigsaw.
What sets the reality apart from imagination is the way it wakes us up from our little dream. It wakes us up to make us realize what we’ve missed all along. What we’ve ignored all along.
That fine line that differentiates both, the one that fazes our perfectly sewn picture.